Welcome to my crib

Over the weekend, mom and dad *finally* set up my new crib and cleared out the other room for me and all my miniature junk. I outgrew my cradle, which was set up next to my parents' bed, oh about a month ago and I suppose they finally understood that all my squirming and wimpering was in protest to the cradle closing in on me. Mom suddenly got the message and hauled the unassembled crib out of the living room where it was doing a lot of good propping up the wall, and assembled the whole thing herself in two hours. I must admit, she did a darn good job cause she had one side of the crib propped up with her forehead while holding the other side at a right angle with her toes, and bolted them together to a horizontal bar with a screwdriver in one hand and a hex wrench in the other. I think that's why dad finds her so sexy.


My new room used to be mom's office, and yesterday she and dad hauled away the bookshelves and computer equipment to make room for me. I slept in my new room for the first time last night, and I didn't have *any* separation anxiety, though mom seems to have some separation anxiety with her work space. Dad set up her desk and bookshelves in the dining room, which is more efficient use of that space, but now mom only has five feet to go to get to the fridge whenever she wants to procrastinate. She can push back from her desk in her rolling chair, lean back, and pull out a casserole and beer if she wanted to.

I also got a crazy cool new jumper for Christmas. I'm still working on launching a back flip off this thing, but in the meantime I'm having a great time just licking the toys.

Ten things no one told my mother about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood

1. Pregnancy doesn't last nine months -- it's actually 40 weeks, closer to ten months.
2. Pregnancy plays a cruel joke on you by making your hair grow thick and glorious, only to have it all fall out after childbirth.
3. Abstinence from alcohol doesn't last just during pregnancy, but throughout breastfeeding too -- a time in your life when you most want to be drinking.
4. Breastfeeding sucks.
5. You do not forget the birthing pains, your baby just gets cuter.
6. Crib mobiles are really only useful for three or four months, after which your baby can reach for, grab, and pull the entire thing down to come crashing on his head.
7. If you buy musical toys from the same manufacturer -- such as a mobile, a baby swing and a musical lantern from, say, Fisher Price -- they will all play exactly the same songs and this will slowly drive you insane.
8. If you forget to change the batteries in musical toys, the perky music quickly changes from soothing and peppy to eerie and weird -- kind of like how clowns and carnivals are fun and innocent when you're young, but can really creep you out when you're older.
9. Crotch extenders for onesies are a brilliant invention.
10. The most useful household item during and after pregnancy is that handheld shower nozzle -- great during pregnancy when you can't reach your feet, and perfect for hosing down the kid after his huge explosive poop.